The End of One Chapter

 

Choate Graduation in 2009. 4 years ago. Time really does fly.

 In front of the place where we slaved away for many hours.

When I was 12, I told my father I wanted to be an environmental engineer and I wanted to go to Caltech. This dream spurred from one of my favorite movies at the time-- A Cinderella Story. I remember the smile my dad had at the time and i told myself I would do him proud. Since then, I did everything possible to make that happen.

This ambition of mine was really something my father and I connected with. Everything we talked about and did together had some relation to the environment and this dream of mines. We went outside to the park next door and picked leaves. I gathered them and made it into a project. We read books about the environment, trees and animals.

This path had proven to be successful as I entered high school. I took all the classes that had to do with biology and ecology. Little did I realize this dream came further and further away as I struggled through the math problems in algebra. Yet, I overlooked the hiccups and told myself to carry on because no one can tell me otherwise.

My dad always told me that I was a like a salmon that I would swim upstream against the current. So I took his words of wisdom and carried on.

You never really understand what it means to fail until you hit rock bottom. That's exactly what happened to be my sophomore year in college. I had finally come to realize that my ambitions had taken the very best of me and no matter how hard I tried, I simply made matters worse. 

I was confused and upset with myself but I no longer had a direction in my life. I was upset at myself and I argued with my dad a lot more. Being angry was a common attitude. I thought I had lost the thing we were connected by. 

Thank you Berkeley for letting me meet some of the greatest friends.

I always found the saying "when you fall, you dust yourself off and start over" pretty cliche. Until it happened to me. 

Somehow I figured out how to succeed again. Though college has been full of ups and downs for me, I wouldn't trade it for anything else. I met people who showed me what life is really like and supported me when I needed help. I learned to love to learn again. I learned that there is a greater world out there. At times, life can be rough but for the most part, good.

Though now I no longer know what I really want to do with my life anymore, I think it's ok to feel this way. I daydream about my future more often. Thinking about the future brings butterflies to my stomach at times. I feel more nervous about my life than ever before. Yet, I have come to accept that there is nothing wrong to feel this way. Sometimes, I wonder how my dad felt when I told him I threw those dreams out the door. But whatever is it I decide to do this year or the years to come, I now know that it will give a some sort of answer to the question that I once thought I knew the answer to years ago.

Thank you to my parents for their unceasing supporting and putting me through 16 years of education! It must have been hard putting up with me. My parents never went to college but they have shown me the value of education and what a successful and fruitful life really is. 

Also, thank you to my friends and family for supporting me through the hardest yet rewarding 4 years of my life!